Every
now and then — actually more often than I care for — I hear one woman say to
another ‘you’re such a prostitute.’ We’ve also seen it used in a million
celebrity fights— most recent (to my recollection) the Sinead/Miley open letter
wars where Sinead O’Connor sincerely urges Miley Cyrus to ‘not act like a
prostitute.’
During
these moments, I’m less shocked by whatever these women are actually doing to
incite this manner of insult — Miley’s twerks are no Helen of Troy war starters
now are they? — and more curious as to what’s so wrong with the profession of
prostitution that merits such widespread social disdain.
I
don’t know very many sex-workers, but that’s not to say I know none. Admittedly
the women I know do not fall into the mean average of what one finds or expects
to find when ‘sex worker’ comes to mind. Frankly, however, I don’t think anyone
falls into such strictly labeled boxes anyway.
My
friends are young women who’ve made an active choice to pursue this profession.
Some are simply sexually ambivalent and use the money the same way I used my
bar tending wages or my call center pay — carelessly and to buy shoes. Others
got into it with full knowledge of the monetary benefits and use what they earn
to fund side businesses or pay off their college loans and mortgages.
I’m
proud to call these women my friends. They’re smart, tough, imbued with innate
common sense; they’re sensitive and kind. It’s a joy to watch one of my friends
talk to a stranger at a bar — she could make a death-row inmate feel valued and
at ease five minutes before execution. I’ve seen her take genuine interest in
the war stories of an old guy who every other girl there made rude faces at and
wrote off as creepy. The veteran was better for the kindness she showed him,
and she — one of the best writers I know— better for her accepting attitude
because now she has a story or two in her arsenal. More importantly, for her,
even the grubby old man drinking himself to death in a mid-western bar deserved
respect.
But
my objection against the stigmatization of prostitutes is greater than just the
fact that they do not deserve to be stigmatized in the first place. It’s that the
choice held against them is not the only choice they make — this is just
their profession. They’re no more defined by what they do than my lawyer friends
are defined by what they do in a courtroom all the livelong day. This constant
slut-shaming rhetoric that seems to go hand-in-hand with discussions about the
profession ignore a very basic fact — These women are more than how they chose
to express or use their sexuality. They are more than just their jobs. They’re
actors, musicians, writers, mothers, friends, and advisers. And a lot, lot more
— just like everyone else in this world.
I’m
aware that my friends are simply one end of the spectrum. For every one like
them, there may be 8 women who are being forced into prostitution, drug
addiction and exploited by their pimps. The stories of these women are gut
wrenching. They face constant violence against their persons, and have no one
to turn to for justice.
It’s
at this point that I ask: Is it the prostitute who’s to blame for this? Is it
the john?
Here,
I put forth it is neither. The fault lies not with the customer or the profession.
The fault lies with the law. If anything, this stigmatization— the
criminalization of prostitution, society’s two-faced hatred for sex-workers,
and this constant slut-shaming rhetoric plays an insidious role in propagating
the exploitation of women. It creates a lose-lose situation for any woman or
girl who is brought into the profession against her will. On one hand there’s
her pimp, on the other the long arm of the law.
If
anti-prostitution laws and this anti-prostitution attitude were to be removed
from our legal and social discourse, I strongly believe women in the field
would be able to exercise a larger degree of control over their bodies — and
whatever they choose to do with this freedom, who is anyone to judge them?
Morality
has proved time and again to be subjective. Who is to say that having an avenue
where one can safely express one’s sexuality won’t benefit our society?